Guide to Pirate Parenting – Book Spotlight – Tim Bete

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Join Tim Bete with Cap’n Billy “The Butcher” MacDougall , author of the humor/parenting book, Cap’n Billy “The Butcher” MacDougall’s Guide to Pirate Parenting: Why You Should Raise Your Kids as Pirates and 101 Tips on How to Do It (Cold Tree Press, June ’08), as they virtually tour the blogosphere in July on their first virtual book tour with Pump Up Your Book Promotion!


About the Book:



In Guide to Pirate Parenting, Cap’n Billy “The Butcher” MacDougall provides everything you need to know to turn your little powder monkeys into happy, healthy buccaneers! Cap’n Billy answers difficult parenting questions, such as:

* At what age your child should be able to remove a bottle cap by taking out his glass eye and using his eye socket?

* Which offense requires administering The Flying Dutchman Wedgie?

* How do you prevent sogging the quartermaster?

* What is the best place to maroon your disobedient child?

* How do you remove chewing gum or a giant octopus from your child’s hair?

* What’s the difference between “plundering” and “pillaging?”

* How do you convert your minivan into a pirate schooner?

* When should you smack your teenager in the side of the head with an oar?

Each information-packed section ends with “Your pirate’s progress,” a short quiz that shows whether your child is reaching his or her pirate development milestones.

Read the Reviews!

“In the grand tradition of Dave Barry and other great humorists, Tim Bete has put together this alarmingly insightful book on how to raise your child to be a happy and self-sufficient pirate.”

— Rob Ossian, The Pirate Cove

“I loved Guide to Pirate Parenting! It’s as if Cap’n Billy was ripped from me own loins, which would explain that drafty feelin’ I get in me nethers.”


— Mark “Cap’n Slappy” Summers, co-author of Pirattitude! So You Wanna Be A Pirate? Here’s How, and co-founder of Talk Like a Pirate Day

“Five stars: I highly recommend Guide to Pirate Parenting, for it is filled with piratical treasure you won’t find anywhere else and not even the meanest of pirates will be able to keep a straight face!”

— Cindy Vallar, Publisher Pirates and Privateers

“I read it cover-to-cover without putting it down once. Wait, that’s a blasted lie. I had to stop and wipe my eyes twice because I laughed so hard. The incredible guide you put together is the funniest pyratical book I’ve ever had the pleasure to read.”

— Steve “The Black Fox” Kimball, Publisher, The Pyrates Way magazine

“A brilliantly funny alternative to the usual hit and miss approach to raising children. I say let’s give it a shot. The kids are turning out badly anyway.”

— Tony “Jumpy Cabin Boy” Cochran, nationally syndicated cartoonist of Agnes

“This book made me laugh so hard I had to wipe the tears from my eyes. Not a good thing when you have a hook.”

— “Fingerless Fred” Rubin, Producer of Night Court and Family Matters

“The funniest book I’ve read in years! If you’re only going to buy one book about how to raise your kids as pirates, this should be it!”

— Karyl “Cutthroat” Miller, Emmy Award winning sitcom writer, whose credits include The Cosby Show and The Mary Tyler Moore Show

“The only book a parent needs to turn his lily-livered land-lubbin’ lunkhead children into true pirates! Arrgh!”

— W. Bruce “Lumpy Socks” Cameron, Author of 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter

“Awesomely funny! Guide to Pirate Parenting showcases’ Bete’s warped, yet lovable, creativeness that makes this book a must-read for parents trying to escape the overwhelming trials of everyday life. As soon as I read, ‘If ye raised yer little powder monkeys as pirates, you’d be as happy as a bilge rat in a bunghole,’ I was hooked!”

— Jodie Lynn, syndicated family/health columnist, best-selling author, Mom CEO (Chief Everything Officer) and CEO, Parent to Parent

“A humorous, satirical jaunt through the world of parenting…complete with pirate-versions of popular nursery rhymes, checklists to gage your child’s progress, and advice on dealing with pirate teenagers, this book contains little that might actually be useful to parents, but MUCH that might amuse them (especially after a hard day of PTA meetings and changing diapers.)”



“A fine comic offering from a man who jus’ might have tried out all the advice with his own personal crew.”

Pirates Magazine


 began July 7, 2008 and continue all month. You can visit his tour stops at in July!

As a special promotion for all our authors, Pump Up Your Book Promotion is giving away a FREE virtual book tour to a published author with a recent release or a $25 Amazon gift certificate to those not published who comments on our authors’ blog stops. More prizes will be announced as they come available. The winners will be announced on this blog on July 31!


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