Join Kelly Epperson, author of the humor book, When Life Stinks, It’s Time to Wash the Gym Clothes at Paperback Writer as she continues on her virtual book tour with Pump Up Your Book Promotion.
The Message Is: “Look At My Butt”
They’re everywhere. I thought it was a passing fad, but this fashion statement is sticking around. Teenage girls wear sweat pants with words emblazoned across the rear end. No matter the word, “Cute,” “UCLA,” or “Pinch Me,” the real message is “look at my butt.”
I shake my head with envy. Do it while you can, girls.
My fashion consultants, my boys, tell me I could wear sweats like that. “BIG” or “WIDE LOAD” tickle their fancy. They think “Danger: Hazardous Gas” would be hilarious. I think “Made You Look” would be clever.
As women age, more words fit on the gluteus maximus. The classic, “Does this make my butt look fat?” could be popular. Depending upon my mood, I’d wear “Yeah, baby, I still got it,” or “Thanks! No one has checked out my butt since 8th grade.”
Mother-daughter sweats could become a trend. Daughter butt: CHEER. Mom butt: “Would you believe this butt used to fit into a cheerleader skirt?” Mess with minds by stating “Objects in sweat pants are smaller than they appear.” Just for fun, print in vertical letters: Cheek 2 Cheek.
Certain communities are banning billboards so I predict derriere advertising will be common in the future. Young girls can make bucks renting their rumps to Nike with a big swoosh on the tush. Your daughter could earn cash for college by plastering Heineken on her heinie. The Army could attract more recruits with “Be all you can be” brandished on All-American behinds.
It’s bumper stickers, plain and simple. My more mature bumper could work for Jell-o.™ See it wiggle; see it jiggle. Plastic surgeons could drum up business for lipo suction: 1-800-SUCK-FAT. Fitness clubs could do a dual campaign. Tight buns wear “Gold’s Gym.” Doughy buns wear “Gold’s Gym? Is that next to the donut shop?” Sort of the opposite of the old public service ad, “this is your brain/this is your brain on drugs.” This is your butt at Gold’s; this is your butt if you don’t go to Gold’s.
Certain songwriters think bigger is better regarding the backside. Their lyrics could result in size appropriate butt wear slogans. Small: “Bootylicious.” Medium: “I like big butts, and I cannot lie.” Large: “Fat bottom girls, you make the rockin’ world go round.”
“If you don’t use it, you lose it” does not apply to butts. If you don’t use it, you get a whole lot more of it. Sit on it and it will grow. My butt used to be a separate entity from my legs. Over time, they have merged into a new flesh I call the “bleg,” the combined area of drooping butt into upper leg.
I need a butt bra to lift and separate my butt from my leg, giving me back the fanny of my youth. Bleg be gone. Then I’ll wear words across the seat of my pants: “The butt stops here.”
Welcome to Paperback Writer.
Thank you! I’m having fun so far.
Would you share with us how you came up with the idea for your book?
I was hit on the head with an anvil, just like in the Roadrunner/Wile E. Coyote cartoons. Not really. When Life Stinks, It’s Time to Wash the Gym Clothes is a collection of my newspaper columns. Readers asked for a compilation in book form, so here it is. I LOVE my readers! I’ve been writing my weekly humor column since 2001, and it’s still a joy. To read every single column, you can visit my mom. She has them all in a scrapbook.
Was it a light bulb moment or something that you thought about for a very long time?
Not exactly a light bulb moment, more a slow, flickering candle. Every time a reader or an editor asked, “When you gonna give us a book?” I was flattered, but put it off. In addition to my column (which is a blast, but can’t support me), I freelance and ghostwrite. The first book I ever wrote is someone else’s, with her name on it. That’s bizarre. My ghostwriting career is booming, and I have now written several books, but I wanted a book that was ME. It’s fun to have a book that I can talk about and show people that I wrote, instead of being bound by confidentiality agreements.
How did you come up with the title?
“When life stinks, it’s time to wash the gym clothes” is a random line in a column I wrote about my two sons and laundry. One of my editors cracked up over it and mentioned it would make a good title for a book.
How did you find an agent and publisher?
I didn’t. I opted to self-publish. My target market was my regional readership. I didn’t “think big.” Now I am ready to face the nation! Bring me an agent and a big publisher! I heart New York!
Who reads your work in progress?
Umm, nobody. When I write books for other people, the managing editor and the client see the work in progress. My columns are short and sweet. Each essay is three pages. The entire book is a light, easy read. Have I mentioned that it makes a great gift?
Who made a difference in the book’s quality?
My invisible fairy godmother. My parents for proofreading. My printer Rich for his caring. My sons for telling me to go for it.
How long did it take you to complete the first draft?
It took a couple months to select what columns would make the cut, typeset it, pick a cover, etc. The cover photo is some French guy hanging out laundry. When I snapped that picture, I had no idea that someday it would be a book cover.
Where can readers find your book? Barnes & Noble; Borders; amazon.com; and www.whenlifestinks.com.
Any bookstore can order it through Partners Book Distributors Inc. (Hi, Tes!)
Do you have website?
www.whenlifestinks.com and www.kellyepperson.com.
YouTube debut: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYRK5S0CgUo
Do you have plans for another book?
Yes! I have launched a joy network – sign up at www.whenlifestinks.com for free weekly happy mail. Next venture will be When Life Stinks, Find the Joy. Or perhaps When Life Stinks, Go to France. We recently lived in France for a year so that adventure produced tremendous fodder. Some of the essays in When Life Stinks, It’s Time to Wash the Gym Clothes are from the France year. Readers want more France. I do too.
Do you have any advice for new authors?
You’ve heard it a million times, but you need to hear it a million and one: Never give up.
Be yourself. Don’t latch onto a trend. Follow your heart. One of my favorite quotes is on my bulletin board: “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go for that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
Thank you, Kelly, for stopping by Paperback Writer on your virtual book tour. I wish you continued success through the rest of your tour.
Thank you! (I can’t stop singing “Paperback Writer”!)
WHEN LIFE STINKS VIRTUAL BOOK TOUR ’08 officially begin on December 1 and end on December 23. You can visit Kelly’s blog stops at www.virtualbooktours.wordpress.com in December to find out where she is appearing!
As a special promotion for all our authors, Pump Up Your Book Promotion is giving away a FREE virtual book tour to a published author or a $50 Amazon gift certificate to those not published who comments on our authors’ blog stops. More prizes will be announced as they become available. The winner(s) will be announced at the end of every month!