Living Like You Mean It: Use The Wisdom and Power of Your Emotions to Get the Life Your Really Want – Author Interview – Dr. Ronald J. Fredrick

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Living Like You Mean ItPaperback Writer is pleased to introduce author Dr. Ronald J. Frederick, author of the nonfiction self-help book, Living Like You Mean It: Use the Wisdom and Power of Your Emotions to Get the Life You Really Want (Jossey-Bass (Wiley)), as he virtually tours the blogosphere in June on his first virtual book tour with Pump Up Your Book Promotion!

So many of us long to feel more alive, connected, and secure in our lives, particularly now, in these challenging and difficult times. Why is it so hard? Part of the problem, says Dr. Ronald J. Frederick, has to do with a fear of our feelings—a feelings‐phobia—and the consequences of expressing our feelings to others. It’s this fear that keeps us stuck, detached from the wisdom inside us and distanced from the people around us.

And yet positive emotional experiences can actually “rewire” our brain and free us up to experience ourselves and our lives more fully. LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT: Use the Wisdom and Power of Your Emotions to Get the Life You Really Want by Ronald J. Frederick, shows how we can overcome our feelings phobia in order to enjoy more satisfying lives.

Drawing on cutting edge science, many years as a psychotherapist and his own personal experiences, Dr. Frederick advocates that we understand and express the broad range of our emotions so that our feelings actually become allies in our search for fulfillment. His proven four-step process for tapping into the hidden power of our emotions includes:

*Recognizing the signs of fears in ourselves, and the defenses we unknowingly use to cut ourselves off from our potential power.
*Understanding how to tame our fear and exercise control.
*Learning how to experience our true emotions and make use of their many resources.
*Developing effective, measured ways to express and share our feelings.

A master story‐teller, Frederick interlaces therapeutic techniques with stories from people who have learned to recognize and deal constructively with the emotions that have kept them from living their best lives. The trick, Dr. Frederick shows, is in being able to navigate and diminish the fear that is so entangled with our feelings, so we can progress in a healthier, less encumbered direction, and get the life we really want.


 Hi, Dr. Ron Frederick. Welcome to Paperback Writer.

Q: Would you share with us how you came up with the idea for your book?

A; Living Like You Mean It: Use the Wisdom and Power of Your Emotions to Get the Life You Really Want is a self-help book published by Jossey-Bass, a division of Wiley. Based on cutting-edge science, it shares my proven four-step approach to overcoming fear and becoming more emotionally present in one’s life and relationships.

I was inspired to write Living Like You Mean It by my own life-changing experience. I was in my early thirties, had just finished my doctoral studies, and despite having everything going for me, I hit a wall. I was in relationship I frequently questioned and found myself filled with trepidation and fear about moving forward. I ended up in therapy and discovered, rather surprisingly, that the anxiety I was experiencing at the time had so much to do with being uncomfortable with what I really felt deep down inside. I had become so afraid of my emotions, of listening to and trusting my true feelings, that I couldn’t hear the voice of my deepest self buried somewhere inside me—the voice that knew what I wanted, knew what I longed for, knew what felt right to me and what felt wrong. I might have gone on doubting myself forever had I not gotten the help I needed to recognize what, in fact, I really was afraid of and to learn how to overcome my fears, accept and embrace my emotional self, and really connect with others. The experience changed my life. My anxiety decreased, I stopped doubting myself and felt much more confident and in touch with my personal truth. I found it much easier to be emotionally present and felt closer to the people in my life. Ultimately, I found the courage to listen to and trust my heart and move forward, to leave the relationship I was in, and to realize the kind of relationship and life I had dreamed of having.

When you have an experience like that, when your life is changed in such a dramatic way, you want to spread the good stuff around. The more people I’ve been able to help, and the more I witness the dramatic changes that can take place when we develop the ability to be with and share our feelings, the more I have felt compelled to spread the word. I guess you can say that it’s become a mission for me: to help people to wake up to their feelings and get the lives they really want. I wrote this book to help people do just that.

Q: Was it a light bulb moment or something that you thought about for a very long time?

A: While the material in the book is something I’ve thought about for a long time, the impulse to put it into a self-help book format was a bit of a “light bulb” moment. One of my trainees asked me if there was a book he could recommend to clients to help them deal with their feelings and, after considering that there wasn’t anything that quite addressed the topic in a way that would be useful, something stirred inside me and, I thought: why don’t I write one!

Q:How did you come up with the title?

A: The title was quite a challenge. I went through several before ending up with Living Like You Mean It which, in the end, I adore. I had wracked my brain, consulted friends, family, editorial and marketing professionals. On a last ditch effort to come up with something, I ran a list of all the titles I had considered by a marketing consultant and Living Like You Mean It jumped out at him. I had considered so many titles that, at that point, they’d all become a blur. I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. A fresh pair of eyes did the trick. Living Like You Mean It had actually been suggested by my sister and, in the acknowledgements section of my book, I credit her. She saved the day!

Q: How did you find an agent and publisher?

A: I solicited agent referrals from people I knew who had published books. I also did a lot of research on my own. I found the site: to be invaluable. I did three rounds of mailings to agents and, ultimately, got offers from two. The agent I chose, Dan Ambrosio at Vigiano Associates in NYC, was recommended to me by a colleague. He helped me tighten up my proposal a bit and then pitched it to several publishing houses.

Q: Who reads your work in progress?

A: Well, along the way, my partner Tim read every word I wrote. I chose to have my editor at Jossey-Bass review each chapter at a time. I preferred working in this way as I wanted and needed the feedback and guidance along the way. It helped to focus me and shape the book as I went.

Q: Who made a difference in the book’s quality?

A: My editor, Sheryl Fullerton, was amazing as well as the other folks at Jossey-Bass. I also got wonderful feedback from a few colleagues, family members, and friends that was invaluable.

Q: How long did it take you to complete the first draft?

A: The first three chapters of the book were part of my book proposal. I worked on my proposal for over two years. After I signed my contract with Jossey-Bass, I had eight months to complete the rest of the book. I got it in just a week or so before my deadline. Whew!

Q: How long did it take from start to publication?

A: Four years from start to finish. From inception to hardcover book sitting on the store shelf.

Q: Do you have any advice for new authors?

A: Getting a book published has so much to do with being tenacious. For me, it was four years from start to finish, with many road blocks along the way. I’m so glad that I persevered despite all the rejection, all the hurdles, all the down times. That I reached out to others for help and that I stuck with it as long as I did. I can hardly believe it sometimes when I’m holding the book in my hands that it’s actually come to fruition. It’s been quite a ride. So, don’t despair. Hang in there and keep at it!
And, to learn more about me and Living Like You Mean It, please visit:

Thank you, Dr. Ron, for stopping by Paperback Writer on your virtual book tour. I wish you continued success through the rest of you tour.

LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT VIRTUAL BLOG TOUR ’09 officially begin on June 1 and will end on June 26. You can visit Dr. Ron Frederick’s blog stops at during the month of June to find out more about this great book and talented author!

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